I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize