how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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