You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
