Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize