yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
