as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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