I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
