i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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