I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
