you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
