My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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