The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize