Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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