I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
