is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
