I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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