do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
