I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize