I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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