so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
