there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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