Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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