sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
