When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
