..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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