Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
