Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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