He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
