I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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