It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize