He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
