the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
