I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
