I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
