Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
