I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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