Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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