hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
