i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
