i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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