R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
