The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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