i think my tv is drunk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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