It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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