how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
