And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
