Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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