you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
