what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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