I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
