he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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