only you would photoshop your dick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
