we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
