Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
