yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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