Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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