He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ruined the universe
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
