you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You're like the curious george of whores
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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