I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
