Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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