Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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