I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize