The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
