Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize