Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
