Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize