so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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