i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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