i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
