i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
