took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
