His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
