just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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