my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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