she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
