I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
