I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
