I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
