You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
